Life Without Baby

So, it has officially been over a week that I'm back at work and the baby is in daycare. It has been haarrddd for so many reasons:

• Work hardly compares to being at home with my little one.
• It's hard feeling like someone else is raising your child during the day, no matter how much confidence you have in them.
• The evening isn't hardly time enough to catch up since the baby is usually all pooped out by then.
• I now realize how unimportant stupid little petty stuff is and would rather just be at home cooing at my kid.

That's just a few of the reasons. Most of my others simply end with...I miss her. That little girl rocks my socks. I love the conversations we have because she's so animated and so confident in what she's saying lol. I cried all day that first day thinking about the fact that I could talk to her and listen to her babble *smh*. Here's an email I sent some sistafriends on the day before I sent her off to daycare:

Tomorrow my baby heads off to daycare and I head back to work. I'm so sad to have to hand her off to someone else. Although I am very comfortable with the daycare we chose, I just can't imagine not having her all day. And I feel so bad for the provider because between today and tomorrow she's gonna be bumrushed by me telling her things like "when she starts pulling her hair or babbling aggressively, it's because she's beyond exhausted, so here's what you have to do...". Lucky for me she says she already expects for me to call a gazillion times this week with info like that, but still. I'm so sad that I almost took my husband up on the offer of being a stay at home mom for the rest of the year, but, yeah, about that? A sista has to have her own so that's a no go. But I thought about it for a good 15 seconds before coming back to reality.

This motherhood thing has totally caught me off guard. Now that I have her I am completely baffled that I never wanted kids. If I could afford it...and had the patience...and some nannies...I would totally be that Duggard woman, or whatever her name is.

I feel like I'm going to miss so much. We just had tummy time and she turned over to her back again. She's starting to do it more consistently. I'm totally going to miss her turning over from back to tummy, I just know it!

This, my friends, is no bueno. I'm gonna have such a pissy attitude come Wednesday. Why would I want to go deal with a bunch of whiney grownups when I could be home smiling at my daughters big, wide, toothless grin? Oh yeah, that's right, because I have to provide for her.

Le sigh.

Sincerely,

One seriously distraught Mama

I must say I don't feel too differently today. I'm still sad. This too shall pass right?

~JMJsMom